Living in the Bubble

There is a good bit of hubris in how Sewaneetians describe our location.  Usually, people refer to Sewanee as, "THE mountain," and occasionally, "the HOLY mountain."  I admit, I have fallen into this pattern because Sewanee IS such a special place.  Yes, I'm so busy with my seminary classes and study that I don't have time to connect often with the "outside world."  However, our physical location in the middle of a college campus, isolated on a plateau,  and at least 40 minutes from what I would have previously considered a town isolates us even further.  If I don't turn on the news (and I rarely do), I have no clue what is happening in the greater world.  For better or for worse, I am living in a bubble. 

Life in a bubble has its advantages.  I am not face to face with the more visible hardships of society:  homelessness, hunger, and violence.  I also do not need to handle the emotional and psychological challenges that come from the horrors in the daily news.  There is no shopping, and very few restaurant options, so I am not tempted to spend money I do not need to spend.  I literally stop to smell the flowers nearly every day, and my girls roam freely around campus.  It is very easy to be rocked into an "Andy Griffith" state of mind. 

On the other hand, I find myself completely absorbed in my family and school.  I miss ministries that impact the broader community, but realize that during this season I have to focus more close to home.  My world has gotten so small that I get agitated by traffic problems any worse than a family of deer crossing the road.  I even turn my cell phone OFF for hours at a time!  I confess, I find myself worrying how transition back to the "real world" will be, and I am grateful that I have 2.5 years before I need to deal with that.

All in all, I can't imagine being in seminary anywhere but Sewanee.  Who wouldn't be inspired by the beauty of this campus and community?  Without all the distractions of society, I am free to focus on what is important:  my family and my formation.   Our family seems closer than we ever have, and we are all a lot less concerned with material issues than we previously were.  I'm grateful for the bubble that gives me the space I need to learn and grow towards my new vocation, and nurtures my family in the process. 

Finding a Rhythm

I find that my new life as a seminarian (who is also a wife and mother of 3) closely parallels my attempts to get back into shape.  I've been running at least 3 times a week with some friends, and I'm trying to get to the pool to swim at least once a week.  Rhythm is so important with running and swimming.  I have to find my pace again with both disciplines, and hold that steady rhythm to get me to the end of my workout.  I am pushing myself to go beyond what my body says are my limits so I can increase my lung capacity and regain strength in my legs and arms.  Some days are better than others, but it is always hard.  I look forward to the day that the workout is manageable again.  Of course, that is the day that I know it is time to raise the bar.  At that point, I'll need to find a new rhythm with the increased pace or mileage.  It is much easier to get through each workout with my friends.  My friends Candice and Kelsey meet me at 5:45 in the morning, and we trod forth together in the dawn's breaking light.  Even in the pool, when I know I have a friend in the next lane it is easier to push a little harder. 

I haven't found my rhythm as a seminarian yet, either.  I get to my study carrel around 7:45 every morning and study/read and go to class until 5 or 6 every weekday. When I get home, I help the girls with 3rd, 5th, and 6th grade homework, eat dinner, and get them all to bed.  If I have any energy left, I study for a while before I collapse into bed.  Weekends so far have also been filled with reading and studying, and last weekend I spent in a two-day anti-racism workshop.  This weekend I have to study for and complete a 4 hour take-home exam.  Needless to say, my family is not getting much time with me.  David has been so very supportive, and is picking up our girls every day he is in town.  He has taken the lion's share of parenting and household chores.  This makes managing his job very difficult.  We are all looking forward to the day I find a rhythm as a student again (after nearly two decades), and we find our rhythm as a family with me as a student.  Of course, we know the bar will move and we'll have to adjust our rhythm again, but are prayerful that we will be able to hold onto more family time than we have now.  We are joined in this struggle by so many friends here going through similar challenges, family and friends at home who are praying for us, and the constant presence of the Holy Spirit.  

We rest in the knowledge that God called us here, and we are aware of his loving presence in our everyday lives.  We are immensely grateful for all the support from home, and for the new family the Lord is building for us here in Sewanee.  I love my classes, and am starting to see the extend of things I don't know.  :)  We are here to be formed as a clergy family, and as hard as it is to imagine that in less than 3 years we'll be living that life, every day here is a day filled with God's grace and wisdom to get us there.  I'll keep running and swimming (and biking to class!), and we'll keep working as a family to find our rhythm.  With God's grace, we will.

The Seminary Student Writes

One of my new textbook's titles sums up what I fear most about this seminary journey, The Seminary Student Writes.  Of course, I write all the time.  I write letters, emails, articles for the church newsletter, documents for any number of work-related needs, etc.  Those types of writing are VERY different from academic writing that is now expected of me in seminary.  I will be writing a lot of papers - long papers- from reflections on topics to summaries of bodies of work to genuine full-blown research papers.  It has been decades since I have written academically, and even then I'm not convinced I did it well.

My earliest memory of writing is when we wrote book reports in Elementary School.  I loved to read, but hated taking time from reading to write.  In high school, I did well on writing assignments, and I truly don't recall what I felt about writing at that point.  I do, however, remember my first writing assignment in college.  I took English 11 the summer before my Freshman year.  I turned in my very first paper, and it was returned the next day with a large red "F" on the top.  My first "F" on a paper, ever.  You see, I had a comma splice in my paper, and that was an immediate "F."  I had no clue what a comma splice was, or where it might be in my paper.  I only knew I was devastated.  As you may be able to tell, I have perhaps not yet recovered.  Ever since that paper, I have questioned my ability as a writer, and certainly in the technical aspects of writing.

Even though people often tell me they enjoy reading what I write, I know that I have a long way to go.  As I mentioned before, the looming challenge is that academic writing is a completely different beast than a newsletter article or a blog.  I genuinely want to improve.  I know the importance of good writing in any career, but perhaps especially in the one towards which I am working.  Yet that red letter lurks in the back of my brain - a pain I do not want to endure again.

This week of orientation provides us with two mini courses:  one on Speaking the Word, and one on Writing.  I have the opportunity to learn from professionals how to improve these two aspects of my life and ministry, and for that I am beyond grateful.  I relish this opportunity.  Even with that desire, the announcement of a book report due on Wednesday (one page, no less) struck fear in my heart, literally making it beat faster.  God sent me here, He will provide the support and ability to succeed here.  I know this.  The next week and coming semester will provide me plenty of opportunity to face these fears head on.  As Deborah Core suggests in the textbook I mentioned at the beginning, "I suggest that we begin to think about writing from a religious viewpoint and open up this part of our intellectual (or even emotional) lives to the transforming power of God.  Let's explore the idea that the communicating, writing part of our lives - regardless of our past experiences - can be enriched, blessed and used by God."  May it be so.  May it be so.

And So It Begins.... (or, I'm in Seminary - wooooo hoooo!)

Today may have been Tuesday, August 10th, 2010 for you, but for me it was the first day in my journey of formation to be a Priest.  After years of questioning and discerning and a summer of packing, moving, unpacking and adjusting, the first day of Seminary orientation was finally here.  David and I gathered with the other 25 people in my class (we are called "Juniors") and most spouses to begin the journey with Holy Eucharist.  We are first people of God, coming together in community to love and serve Him.  It was a beautiful, clear morning in Sewanee, and the light in the Chapel of the Apostles was exhilarating.  Our student body president, Josh Bowron, challenged us in his sermon to hold lightly who we think we are and what we are capable of doing - and Dean Stafford echoed that in his welcome.  It is already apparent that the Holy Spirit will take us all and make these 3 years so much different than we expect.

Our class seems to be a wonderful mix of people in different ages and stages of life.  I have been blessed to meet most of them as they move in, and even before that on Facebook.  Interestingly, we are evenly divided male and female, so David has many other male spouses with whom he can commiserate.   It was wonderful to finally have us all in the same place to begin connecting as a community of faith.  We will, for the most part, have all of our classes together - we even stay in the same room for our classes!

My emotions overwhelmed me today.  I woke up nervous, as is to be expected.  When we entered the Chapel for the service, I was overtaken with a sense of total elation and peace that I am exactly where God wants me to be, doing exactly what He wants me to do, and it has become the desire of my heart.  The more we talked about what is to come this year and beyond, I could barely contain my excitement.  I know, I know, I'm usually so low-key. ;)  But this is something I summarily dismissed as a possibility for my life just six years ago - yet here I am, far away from home, joyfully diving into seminary.  My girls love it here, and David is more supportive than I ever could have imagined.  Thanks be to God.

Anticipation

Summer for the Jollys is nearly over.  Sloan and Christina meet their teacher on Friday and start school on Monday.  I start orientation on Tuesday.  Mary Katharine doesn't start school until the end of August, but has already started volleyball practice every day.  These last few days of summer are filled with activities.  We are helping many families move to the mountain before orientation starts, registering cars and getting drivers licenses, and fitting in as much play time with friends as possible.  Even as we do all this, our minds are starting to turn in preparation for next week.

Sloan and Christina seem excited about their school, and we talk about it often. I have learned with both of them that excitement prior to an event does not remotely mean excitement the day of the event.  In anticipation of extreme 1st day anxiety (common to both of them), we are trying to ease back towards a more structured bedtime and wake up time. This has not been popular with ANY of us. Christina has become increasingly clingy, and Sloan more edgy.  OK, I admit I might be slightly more edgy too! 

We all wonder if we are up to the challenge of a new year in school - adjusting to new teachers, handling the workload while still having fun, and figuring out what our new routine will be.  Mary Katharine worries about homework (we hear it is fierce at SAS), Sloan doesn't enjoy any change, Christina wonders about reading and writing well enough, and I wonder if I am capable of being a student again with all of the reading, studying and papers.  It's really kind of funny.  We finally realized that all we had to do was trust God and the move here would be OK.  We gave up control, gave up our security, and moved to Sewanee for 3 years of school.  Yet, we are now succumbing to FUD about the upcoming year.  Leaving everyone we knew and loved, moving several states away, and giving up financial security - that was all fine - new school, not so much.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  God is God and we are not.  He has all of this under control.  Therefore, the plan for the remainder of the summer vacation is less worry, more prayer.  Hey - sounds like a plan forever!

Adventures on the Mountain

There are so many things on the mountain that are new to us all.  Freeman, our small white fluffy dog, loves to bark at and chase all the novel critters.  He has escaped three times to romp through the woods.  The last time, he pulled the retractable leash from my hand and raced off in pursuit of a deer.  He was remarkably fast considering he was pulling that leash behind him!  It took me hours of searching every square inch of the woods surrounding us to find him.  He had wrapped the leash around trees and brush.  He was just sitting there waiting for us to find him. 

Two nights later, Freeman dove under a bush on our night walk - just to get sprayed by a skunk.  I was, of course, right behind him to get caught in the stink cloud.  If you have never experienced eau de skunk up close and personal, I advise you to avoid it at all costs.  The distant not-so-great smell you sometimes pass on the highway only begins to hint at the true nature of the skunk defense mechanism.  I was able to get the smell off of me by a scalding shower and scrub, but Freeman was a different story.  Four baths in baking soda, peroxide and dish soap, two baths in tomato juice and two in normal dog shampoo subdued the scent.  It has only just completely gone away - 1.5 weeks later!

Thanks to great friends, we are slowly getting our house settled.  It feels like home.  Of course, there are issues with houses that have sat unoccupied for nearly a year.  There are critters in our walls (not sure what to do about that - but must do something if we hope to sleep all night while we are here), the dishwasher died, and the yard still needs a lot of work.  All that notwithstanding, it is a great house that will be a wonderful place to live. 

My classmates are trickling onto the mountain, and it is great fun to help them move in and get to know them one at a time.  Thanks be to God, there are lots of children!  The girls have found friends quickly and are frequently gone riding bikes, playing in the creek, going to the playground, or generally hanging out on campus.  The sounds of gaggles of giggling girls can be heard in the house - and that makes me happy. 

There is no doubt that God brought us to Sewanee, and is weaving us into this community of faith and support.  I have no way to  know what the next three years will bring, but I do know that this community will be our family for the next three years and beyond. 

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The five Jollys have moved into our house in Sewanee, TN and are working to settle in. This has been quite an adventure - even more so than I thought.

First the Good: Two dear friends, Allison and Laird, and my mother brought the girls to Sewanee on Friday after we came with the moving truck on Wednesday. They stayed all weekend and worked hard to help us unpack and feel at home. Not only was their gift of their time and hard work such a blessing to us, but just having this house full of family was the greatest gift of all. After they left, we started to slowly explore this community. We have met several wonderful people, explored parks and trails, and listened to outdoor concerts. I have my student ID, and we are registered at the Physical Activities center. The girls have ventured out on their bikes, and we are working to get comfortable with giving them more range than they had at home. This truly is a beautiful place, and a warm, inviting community. It is hard not to love being here when you are walking around.

Then the Bad: It is amazing to me that students continue to come to Sewanee - there is little to no cell service here. We knew this to be the case coming in, but underestimated how frustrating it would be to have to walk half a mile up the street to make a phone call. After days of struggling with technology issues (including TWO trips to Murfreesboro an hour away and multiple walks up the street for troubleshooting phone calls), we are now connected to the outside world. We are, perhaps, more addicted to technology than we would like to admit, but having no ability to talk with friends and family would be frustrating for nearly anyone. My sense of isolation from all those whom we love dearly set in firmly when all the family left, and not being able to adequately talk to anyone only served to magnify that feeling. Now that I know we can make and receive phone calls, send and receive email and texts, and of course blog and Facebook, it is easier to enjoy the beauty and adventure of our life here.

Then there is the Ugly: The winner of the "you can't judge a book by its cover" contest: Our house. As fabulous as it is on the inside - and I truly love it and already feel like it is our home even with the boxes everywhere - the outside seems to be infamous. Several people have asked us, "and WHY did you choose to live in that house?" :) As we enter into this stage of our lives, it helps to be reminded daily that God created us all in His image and are beloved - regardless of how others see us. Hopefully when I act out of the stress of this change, those around me will appreciate what is on the inside! Meanwhile, we keep unpacking slowly, and look forward to whatever tomorrow brings.

Pain and Promise

Deciding to pack up our entire family, resign my job and move to Tennessee to attend Seminary was something that took a long time of prayer and discernment for our family. It was a very difficult decision for us, but one in which we ultimately found peace by following God's will. The last few weeks in Greenville have brought back the pain we went through in making the decision. What was painful while the whole endeavor was merely theory is very real in practice.

David and I both grew up in this area, and our families are still here. We have an incredibly strong prayer and support community in Christ Church and our 20:20 group, as well as amazing friends in the Greenville community. We love our neighborhood and the city of Greenville. Saying goodbye one by one to our dear friends and family has brought each member of the Jolly family to tears many times.

While we struggle with the pain of leaving, our house is a very real reminder that we are being ripped out of our comfort zones. Boxes everywhere, packing peanuts strewn around the floors, and items we can't find have even the animals not sure what to do.

Even with all of this pain and anxiety, we live in the promise that our Lord has called us to Sewanee to Seminary. He has called us, will provide everything we need while we are there, and will give us a family in faith there as well. We know that as long as we continue to seek and follow God's will for our family, we will live in His peace. We are praying for our friends and family here in Greenville, as we know our departure brings them pain. We are also praying for our new friends in Sewanee, that God will surround them with His peace as they live into His calling in their lives. We are so very grateful for all the support and prayers from so many people we know and do not know. We feel them, covet them, and rest in them when we feel overwhelmed. May we all take the time to praise our Lord for His work in our lives everyday!